I’ve been having a ton of sex lately.  It’s been pretty amazing.  It happens about 3-4 times a day.  Sometimes it’s long carried out passionate sessions and sometimes they are brief–small and just the right amount. 

 I entered this relationship about a year ago.  It began rather slowly.  We were kids when we met.  Who is this person you ask?  Well, it’s not a person.  I’m having a relationship with food.  Maybe not so much a relationship though.  The term “f***ing your food” came from my dear friend, a fellow model and fellow champion of eating well and pure.  She told me that I was fucking and having a relationship with my meals. “F***ing your food” is a term we use in our circle.  It simply means we’ve replaced the comforts and social norms of being in a relationship with food.  To bring this down to a PG-13 rating, I will refer to “f***ing your food” going forward as “relations with food” (relations; a term used during Clinton era).  The food always consists of well prepared meals: raw, on occasion there’s meat (which I began eating again on 10/21/10 after a 7 year hiatus) and plenty of salads, fish and the occasional food outing.

 I have been single for a few years now living a single girls life in New York City which consists of: yoga, charity, parties, meeting incredible talented people, laughing, dancing in my living room, visiting my family, Skype, fashion, a new business, dating, laughing about my dating episodes with my friends, brunching, drinking and yes, having relations with my food.  

I don’t claim to know everything about this topic but I will tell you this. I miss being kissed, hugged and having a man say I love you. As passionate as I am about all the incredible activities in my life, I realized I need a man.

 Yes, I’m independent yes I’m a trailblazer but what I need and want is a loving relationship.  




  1. Christopher London says:

    The earnest character of your blog deserves a notable reply so I will do the best I can. Nourishment and sex go hand in hand, no pun intended. You need to have one or the other and usually both is ideal. We seek love often when we consume. I am at a stage unfortunately where I am comfortably numb to the needs of a long term romance but not so much to a fine meal. Romance and thirst for lasting love consumed a good portion of my life. Now as I near middle age, it is the comfort of someone’s allure which may provide greater intrigue ultimately, and this mimics my lust for food. While I can prepare a variety of ethnic dishes from Jewish soul food, to hearty Italian, Spanish and even Filipino dishes, it is the simple with seasoning modifications which provide the most satisfaction ultimately to my palate.

    I am a creature of habit and other than a self imposed ban on meat in my life during two time periods have always preferred STEAK as a meal celebrating life’s finest moments. The first time was during an approximately 2 years during law school, mostly because it was cheaper to live on Rice & Beans, Tuna, Peanut Butter & Jelly, Eggs and Pasta. The second time was much later in life after the end of a long term relationship which left me emotionally withdrawn. I chose to exist on water, vegetable and protein drinks alone for the better part of a year while I ran and detoxified myself seeking a heightened clarity. While I did lose a substantial amount of weight and felt anemic at times to the point of no sexual desire whatsoever, it was a time of immense introspection.

    Yet the truth is, I have always enjoyed most sitting across the table from a wonderfully attractive, intelligent and passionate woman while dining on a Steak singed to a crispy texture will a mix of pink and red on this inside, and sipping on a full bodied Cabernet or a bountiful Red Zinfandel. That sort of scenario is my 9 ½ Weeks and my memories of the important woman in my life always go back to the comfort of our exchanges while sharing nourishment. Perhaps it is because I was served the most valuable lessons of my my life by my father, mother and grandmother over some hearty and memorable meals prepared painstakingly by hand. Now when I seek that nourishment I get it most often from a close female friend who is known as “Suzy Sirloin” who is the CEO of Strassburger Meats ( who has honed my palate with some of the finest meats in the land and instructed me how to prepare them to a T….Bone.

    In the end you see for me, what is telling is how a woman nurtures and celebrates herself in my presence as well as in the absence of male companionship. Nourishment is sexy. Providing it for yourself and appreciating the indulgence of it all is as well is a sign of your evolution as a woman and a human being. A woman unwilling to feed her spirit and her soul and who is unable to reflect on her needs in an honest fashion would never be prepared to have me in her life in the first place.

  2. peter di Grazia says:

    “It’s not what you eat , but how you chew it.” US Army Ranger quotation.

    First of all, will ypou women stop pretending to be macho? Women do NOT FUCK FOOD.
    Men do that. Evere see any woman ever win any food eating contes? NO. When it comes to devouring and or fucking, thats a man’s job. Find your own best thing and leave our loaded firearms and steaks alone. Look at TV., Every show is a woman with a weapon. Good grief. It’s either that or twits on DWTS. Where is thew middle ground. Where is the division of the sexes because if it was not for sex we would not be talking to one another. Thew problem is women allowed men to become lazy. We stopped opening doors and now wear t-shirts and baseball caps to dinner. One word ( no sex) alright, two word would be all it would take. Men will move heaven and earth when properly motivated.

    If Nourishment is sexy then why do so many women deny themselves by foolish and dangerous dite fads. Ceyanne pepper maple Syrup and lemon juice is a Cam Diaz and Blithe Danner’s daughter concoction. My point is men do not eat when they are miserable but women go for the Rocky Road. BTW: Sugar is a cry for help.

    We are what we eat. Binge eating is a cover up for lacking in self love and self respect. Americans do not eat healthy Food. Thats why Heart Disease is the number one killer. HBO has a good series on the lack of proper diet and healthy intake.

  3. Megan McDonald Murtha says:

    Dearest Bern, one of my favorite expressions of yours is coming to mind, “yamma lamma ding dong”, most frequently referring to a delicious food item but also can be used to describe a delicious man. In discussing your post with a friend here in the restaurant biz, something key kept popping up – and that is the type of food that you choose to fuck. We both think it is a healthy thing to be fucking all that good-for-you food. Perhaps, even, it might be putting the right energy out for the right type of man to come into your life – one that does the body (and the mind) good. I remember you as one that always held out for the right one. Kudos to you for being single, loving yourself, and being ready for that right one to walk into your life.

  4. Paula Patrice says:

    Peter di Grazia:

    In your eagerness to bash the celebs who believe in alternative therapies you have attributed the Master Cleanser as a dangerous fad diet by “Cam Diaz and Blithe (sic) Danner’s daugher”. In actuality the Master Cleanser was written by a male, Mr. Stanley Burroughs, in the 1940s as one of his alternative therapies to curing disease.

    Should you wish to enlighten yourself to the benefits of Grade B maple syrup, which has as much calcium cup-for-cup as milk, and of electrolytes supplied by fresh lemon, a more natural source than Gatorade, the book was added to Amazon in 1999 at my request and with Mr. Burrough’s daughter’s assistance. While you’re there, take a moment to read the reviews by men and women whose lives changed because of this “crazy 72 year old fad”.

    Here’s a link to help you:


  5. peter di Grazia says:

    Any “diet” meant to “melt away pounds in a few days is not sustainable and there fore dangerous in it’s misguided concept that you can binge and purge, Finding a sustainable diet that works to balance you r body is what you require and not “fad” diets. BTW: maple syrup IS a cry for help. lol.

    I highly recommend “The Diet Cure” by Dr.Julia Ross (Author)

  6. Mike D says:

    Fucking food? Seriously? If you are having relations with food they don’t seem like healthy ones. FFS it’s food. Prepare it well and enjoy it and appreciate it, don’t fetishize it.

    As an aside, I’m a steak lover too. But even better is venison, bison and lamb.

  7. Savannah says:

    You are a brave person. I’d like to add that I realize you don’t mean this literally, which is what Peter seems to think.

  8. Xavier J. says:

    This was one of the most refreshingly honest expressions that I have read in a while. I completely understand the distraction of being a foodie can be to having a worth while relationship. I have made love to food so many times I cant count. Then you have to deal with a real personal relationship.

    However, you can have them both, its the same story of compatibility. Bottom line, it has to be healthy; healthy food, healthy relationship, healthy relationship with food. Everything in moderation.

    I was in a relationship with a woman who had little appreciation for food. Only healthy,, not much pleasure. It was the most empty, passionless relationship that I have ever been in.

    That being said. Yes,, I love the touch of a woman. Nothing else can suffice. But I rarely deny myself of the pleasures of life..

    Live, Love, Laugh.

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